mmon faith. As husband and wife, each brought to their union a deep desire to glorify God and to raise Godly children. This is His story, their story, a story of tears, fears, resolve, pain, questions, obedience and comfort. Until the end of time, God is Faithful and True.Dan and Maria's story revolves around great pain, disappointment and healing. It is the story of their God and their children. The story is really a story based on their experiences with three passages of Scripture:
Psalm 22: 9-10 Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you even at my mother's breast. From birth I was cast upon you; from my mother's womb you have been my God.
Psalm 139: 13-18 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are
wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.1 Thessalonians 5:15-22 See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people. Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit; do not despise prophetic utterances. But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every from of evil.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer; and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort.
From this point on, Dan and Maria will tell you their story in the first person. For their story, while being one, is a story intertwined with their individual stories.
Maria -
After we were married, I continued to work at an elementary school and really enjoyed it, but longed to have our own baby. In April and in August of 1989, we miscarried our first 2 children both ending around 10-12 weeks in the pregnancy. I was devastated. The physical pain of the miscarriages and the hospital procedures are painful memories for me.
Dan-
April of 1989 was full of grief for us. Maria's side of the family dealt with the death of Jackson Hinton Wood (Granddaddy) in North Carolina and two in utero children. Our child was miscarried a day before Maria's sister miscarried following both of our returns to Georgia from the North Carolina funeral. For the most part, we attributed both miscarriages to the unfortunate combination of stress, grief and excessive car travel.
In August 1989, we received news of my grandfather's death. Arman Watt Lane (aka Daddy Lane) died in his home following a long bout of diabetes and Alzheimers. His wife, Mrs. Bernice Derrick Lane (aka Mama Lane) cared for him in their home until his death. Maria and I believed that she should not make the trip to Charlotte, North Carolina due to the recent memory of this grandfather / child death combination in previous Spring. Therefore, I went to funeral and to be with Mama Lane while Maria remained in Tucker. Daddy Lane's funeral plans were set. Mama Lane grieved but had joy and peace flowing from her. Daddy Lane's illness was a burden she carried well until the end. Daddy Lane has six grandsons and each was honored when asked by Mama Lane to carry their grandfather's casket. On the morning of the burial, I received a phone call from Maria who was home in Georgia. She had begun spotting. Now 'spotting' is a trauma, on pins and needles, word for those carrying children. On that morning I was hit in the stomach with love, life and the possibility of death on two fronts. I hung up the phone to be met by my dad with, "What's wrong son?" I told him and he said, "Let's go talk to Mama Lane." Mama Lane listened to me with the eyes that only she had. She hugged me and while scratching my back, she said, "Dan, you need to go home to be with Maria." .............. Did you hear that? Mama Lane, who is preparing to bury her husband, Daddy Lane, said "Dan, you need to go home to be with Maria."............. What !?! and mess up the 'before time ordained six grandson bury the grandfather event?' She said, "Maria needs you and your Daddy Lane is dead. He won't mind." (Lane humor surfaces at unique times) Wow! What a selfless lady. Soon I was southbound on I-85 heading back to Georgia. I was actually on the road while the funeral was going on. I arrived home before Maria miscarried our second child.
What followed is what seemed like an eternity of grief, pain, questioning, bewilderment, resentment, mourning, loss and ............... I was dealing with the death of two grandfathers and the death of two children. My family tree was collapsing on me from both ends.
Years past before I visited Daddy Lane's burial site.
Maria-
It seemed like all my friends were pregnant or happy with their new babies. I know that was my delusion as I found comfort and understanding with my sister who had also miscarried the day after I did in April. After each loss we received consoling phone calls, some meals, and many cards from family and friends. The main verse shared was evident. Based on 2 Corinthians 1:4 I offer you comfort with the comfort I have received. I had not realized the amount of people in our lives that had experienced loss in pregnancy or from still birth. I remember thinking that I would hang on to those cards as proof of me carrying a baby and how I would have received cards of congratulations if either of those babies had lived.
I felt so empty. I loved being pregnant. I wanted those babies. I wanted to quit work and stay home with them.
I blamed Dan. I was hurt. Looking back I started pushing people away who wanted comfort and who tried to comfort me. People asked why it happened or offered their suggestions as to the causes. I tried to be kind and sweet but their words hurt deeply and only seemed to add to the pain.
I couldn't figure out why God wouldn't let me be what I felt He had so deeply etched in me to be. I didn't want a career. A Momma. He wouldn't let me be that. But, I was a Momma, but an empty armed one.
I was probably worse off than I let on. I say that because I remember while keeping the church nursery one night, I was holding a plastic baby doll for one of the toddlers. From deep within this huge wave of yearning emotion caused me to cradle the baby doll in my empty arms and wish like a small child, that the baby doll was real.
.......................... HEALING.............................
Maria-
As a result of a college class Dan was taking, we started a small support group for people who had or were going through what we were experiencing. Not many people attended. But, as a result of trying to have a support group, a question was asked of me. "Have you thanked God for the loss of your babies?" I didn't see that I was captive. Captive to fear, anger, hurt, and loss of all I wanted in my adult life. Having a full term pregnancy was a dream and my heart's desire. But that was not the answer to me being free and whole and healthy again.
I remember applying that scripture ("Give thanks in all things, for this is the will of God concerning you.") to our circumstance by struggling to give thanks for the death of our children. I came face to face with the fact that you cannot have faith in One that you do not trust and you cannot trust someone that you are not thankful to. Much freedom and release of burden came when I verbally thanked my Father for the lives and deaths of my children. I trusted Him with children that He loved more than me. I'm not sure where Dan and I picked up on particular saying,but it started to come to mind often. It is one that we have said many times recently to each other over the last 18 months following a different loss. It's this: "Do you trust God or just say you trust God?"
Dan-
During the time of healing I was asked to play the part of Joseph in our church's yearly Nativity play (1989). I wrestled greatly with the fact of playing the part of a father but found great comfort in playing Joseph who was not yet a biological father and never would be that to Jesus. Jesus greatly impacted both Joseph and Mary from the womb. So did our children. Our children while in utero have greatly impacted our lives.
Maria-
One Sunday afternoon in March of 1990, I was a part of a prayer time at our church. During that meeting I knew I had to thank God for the loss of our babies. I proclaimed this out loud in a prayer as I felt that it had to be confessed with my mouth, in faith to other believers. I was sobbing through it all but that was the sound of freedom, the chains were falling off. I ha
d peace once again. Of course I still wanted children but I was different. I was free.God's timing is so sweet. At that meeting, I was already pregnant with Danny but didn't know it yet. I am glad I didn't know. I didn't have hope of a baby that led me to that prayer, it was hope in my Lord. My Jehovah Jireh.
With Danny, I knew I could loose this baby too. But, I had peace that even if I lost again, I knew what to do. Be thankful and walk through the pain and hurt.
My due date was January 1, 1991. Sometime during the pregnancy I thought I heard God say the baby would be born on December 21. I didn't tell Dan cause I thought I told myself that.... until the day that Dan shared with me that God told him the baby would be born on December 21.
Dan and Maria-
"God gave you a rose." Those were the words of our pastor ,Steve Hammack , at the time of Danny's birth. On December 21, I went to see Dr. Sotomayor while Dan went to work. I (Dan) remember the trip to work talking with God about this day. I felt that today would be the day but His sovereignty and worthiness would not diminish if Danny was not born "today."Although I (Maria) was not in active labor yet,
I was dilated to 6 cm. We were off to Northside Hospital after we stopped to get a milkshake. After much back labor and no pain meds, Danny was born at 11:57 PM on December 21. God gave us a rose to show us that we had not slipped from His hand and had not for a moment disappeared from His sight. His gaze and kind thoughts were sustaining us this whole time. He gave us a brightly colored rose in the midst of a dingy black, white and gray 3 years.Brittany was born at 11:48 on August 13, 1992 two days before her due date.
In August, 1994 an ultrasound confirmed another loss. Unlike our first 2 miscarriages, I was not hemorrhaging. Through much counsel from Dan's Mom(who was a RN in "labor and delivery") and others, God led us and allowed to not go to the hospital. This was a sorrowful time as Danny was old enough to be excited about the baby. My parents were their for us as usual and I had a month of rest and healing with them at the beach.
Dan and Maria-
The next month we were expecting again and were able to change doctors. This baby was expected to be born June 27, 1995. During our interview with a new doctor, Dr. Schermerhorn, the subject of my miscarriage at home was discussed. Dr. Schermerhorn said that was a good thing because I would not be able to carrying baby if I had the D&C procedure. It was a result of God's leading that kept this healthy baby in a healthy womb. McKinney Rose was born on June 29, 1995. The meaning of our children's names are important to us. McKinney's name came while we lived in Dallas, Texas. McKinney Avenue is downtown and McKinney, Texas is a quaint small town with many antiques stores. Therefore, McKinney's name means 'the result of God's leading.' If we had not listened to the still small voice in the middle of the miscarriage of our child, then we would not be holding McKinney Rose now.
Maria-
Our other precious children were born: Ansley Elizabeth on October 16, 1996 in Texas; Rockey Hinton on August 26, 1998 in Georgia and Shelby Dianne on September 10, 2002.
There are times that I look around the house and count all 8 of us because it seems like someone is missing. There are times when I get emotional about the three children I never held in my arms. I still feel the lump in my throat if I find myself revisiting the pain and loneliness I felt. I can say that even recently God has allowed me to be healed of other hurts surrounding our loss of children. Freedom is a gracious gift from my precious Heavenly Father. I can thank God for this path I walk. I trust Him with what is best for me. I want to be completely in His will, no matter what life brings. Perhaps I can comfort those who need comfort as God brings them into my life.
A sweet Texas friend, Valerie, asked me if she could ask me a question a day or two after miscarrying at home. I said 'sure.' She asked if we ever thought to name our babies. I began to weep. It gave me comfort to think of naming my children I did not know. I could give them only one thing. Why not give them all I could give them, a name. We named them Caleb Hinton Lane, Bethany Rose Lane and Danny named Jeremiah David Lane.
Dan-
Naming Caleb, Bethany and Jeremiah allows us to embrace them in a personal way. They are our children instead of medical terms. They are my heritage instead of an outcast.
Children of Dan and Maria Lane
Caleb Hinton Lane
Bethany Rose Lane
Lewis Dan Lane, III (Danny)
Brittany Faith Lane
Jeremiah David Lane
McKinney Rose Lane
Ansley Elizabeth Lane
Rockey Hinton Lane
Shelby Dianne Lane
The Lane Family and Family Life Style Ministries is available to bring our story to you, wherever you are, in order to celebrate and begin the path of healing.
If you have a story of God's leading and comfort, please let us know.
Contact Information:
Family Life Style Ministries, Inc.
Griffin, Georgia
E-mail: flsministries@bellsouth.net
Twitter: flsministries
Facebook: Family Life Style Ministries, Inc.
1 comment:
Aw, Daddy. I'm so glad that God showed y'all something so special through the hard times. And I can't wait to meet my siblings, and I know I will see them one day.
-Your loving daughter, Brittany
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